“I’m not ready.”“Ready for what? I’m not doing anything.”“You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re trying to seduce me.”“Is it a crime? Seducing your own wife?”“I’m not ready. I’m just not ready. I know we’ve had our troubles, and now these troubles seem to be over, but I’m not ready. It doesn’t feel right.”“When will it feel right?” demanded Queresh.She lay in silence. Sex, after the miscarriage and loathsome depression did not appeal to her. She had escaped just barely from the torment of a personal hell, a mental journey where one travels alone, without any defense. When she emerged from that living and breathing nightmare, she freed herself of complications, even the complications of pleasure. She had been so alone in that journey. She had trouble associating with other people, even her own husband. At one point she slept for nearly fifteen hours a day. How blissful sleep becomes, not only for purposes of rest, but for purposes of avoidance. Maryam never spoke of her journey to. For a long time we lay without talking savoring the sensations we had just enjoyed. There was something bothering me. I had to know the truth. ‘Jiju’ I said nudging him with my elbow. ‘Hmmm what is it?’ he replied. ‘Jiju tell me did you bribe Hemu to give me bhang so that you could fuck me’ I asked. ‘No I had nothing to do with it’ he replied, ‘I think it was a genuine mistake as Hemu explained’. ‘Then you must have come here with the intention of popping my cherry’ I asked. ‘Actually no’ he replied, ‘today being Holi, I decided to have some innocent fun with you…’‘Innocent fun my foot’ I said sarcastically interrupting him, ‘you call squeezing my tits and rubbing my choot?’‘Well it may not be exactly innocent’ he laughed, ‘but it was fun at least for me’. ‘What happened then?’ I pressed grimacing. ‘Believe me Adi when I escorted you to your room I had no intention of taking advantage of you’ he clarified. ‘Then why did you do it?’ I said with tears welling up in my eyes. ‘But when.
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